I need to tell you about something that happened recently—something that reminded me of an uncomfortable truth we don't talk about enough in the recovery community: sobriety doesn't automatically make you a good person.
Someone tried to extort money from me. And yes, they were sober.
How It Went Down
I won't get into all the details, but here's what matters: I caught them. Red-handed. The whole thing was calculated, manipulative, and designed to exploit trust within the recovery space—a space where we're taught to be vulnerable, to support each other, to give people the benefit of the doubt.
And that's exactly what they were counting on.
When I confronted them with the evidence, the excuses came fast. The deflection. The victim narrative. All the classic moves. But the facts didn't lie, and neither did the paper trail.
The Lesson: Sobriety Is Not a Moral Credential
Here's what I want you to understand: getting sober is an achievement, but it's not a character reference.
Sobriety means you stopped drinking or using. That's it. It doesn't mean you're honest. It doesn't mean you're kind. It doesn't mean you've done the deeper work of becoming a person of integrity.
Some people get sober and do the hard work—they examine their behavior, make amends, rebuild trust, and show up differently in the world. Others just stop drinking and keep running the same patterns, the same manipulations, the same self-serving moves they always did. They're just doing it sober now.
Why This Matters in Recovery Spaces
The recovery community is built on trust, vulnerability, and mutual support. That's beautiful—and it's also what makes it a target for people who haven't done the internal work.
I've seen it before: someone uses their sobriety as a shield, a way to gain credibility and access. They tell the right stories, say the right things, and position themselves as someone who \"gets it.\" And because we want to believe in redemption, because we want to support each other, we let our guard down.
But here's the reality: you can be sober and still be a liar. You can be in recovery and still be a manipulator. You can have a sobriety date and still be running scams.
Trust Your Gut. Verify the Facts.
If something feels off, it probably is. Sobriety doesn't erase red flags—it just makes some people better at hiding them.
I'm not saying don't trust people in recovery. I'm saying don't give blind trust to anyone just because they're sober. Character is built through consistent action over time, not through a sobriety milestone.
When I caught this person, I didn't feel vindicated—I felt disappointed. Disappointed that someone would use the recovery community as a hunting ground. Disappointed that sobriety, for them, was just another angle.
The Bottom Line
Sobriety is the foundation. It's the starting point. But what you build on that foundation is up to you.
Some people build integrity, honesty, and accountability. Others just build a better cover story.
I'm grateful I caught this person before they could do more damage. And I'm sharing this story because I want you to know: it's okay to have boundaries. It's okay to ask questions. It's okay to protect yourself, even in recovery spaces.
Being sober doesn't make you a good person. Doing the work does.
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